Lizilla's Raaaaaaaaaants
My visit to get screened for cancer:
Nurse: "Sorry your boyfriend couldn't wait for you in the waiting room, it makes women feel uncomfortable."
Me: "He wasn't my boyfriend and I don't see how it would make them uncomfortable, but that's my opinion. He was here for moral support. I understood, and so does he."
Nurse: "So he's your...."
Me: "Friend."
Nurse: (During the question asking) "How many sexual partners have you had?"
Me: "11."
Nurse: "How old were you when you first became sexually active?"
Me: "....Loaded question but....14, I guess."
Nurse: "You're sexually active, then."
Me: "Well....I guess...but..."
Nurse: "How many times have you been pregnant?"
Me: "Uh. 0."
Nurse: "O...kayy...-Checks 'condoms' as my preferred use of birth control-"
Me: "I don't use condoms. Or take birth control."
Nurse: "Then how do you avoid getting pregnant?"
Me: "With homosexuality."
Nurse:
Me:
Nurse:
Me: "I fuck girls."
ruinedchildhood:

when my song come on in the club

ruinedchildhood:

when my song come on in the club

ridge:

this probably tops all the other wisdom teeth videos

shiralipkin:

somethingclassysomethingvulgar:

if you live with a cat, you have had this conversation. 

alldarkandtwisty:

girliesportsjunkie:

lettersfromtitan:

sushigrade:

Just watch it, dammit

This is absolutely worth 19 seconds of your life.

M

"Heaven let your light shine down"

iammissanna:

tzikeh:

the-fault-in-our-wifi:

oh my fucking god

Everyone go home. The internet is over.

Okay, you know what? I just reblogged this but I wanna get geeky over it. ‘Cause this is some high-class humor right here, and if you don’t get that you need to be educated so here I am about to do the thing you’re not supposed to do and explain the joke, because I’m just really impressed by this joke’s construction, okay?
So back in Paris in the 1920s, the surrealist movement in art was just starting to take off. The surrealist movement was born from the dadaist movement, which was a response to strict societal ideas of what was “art” and what wasn’t. The dadaists made a lot of works to try and challenge society’s ideas of what art even was in the first place, and this continued on into the more sophisticated abstract works of surrealism.
One such artist, Rene Magritte (also known for his paintings of people with invisible heads, or with fruit for heads), painted a work called "The Treachery of Images," depicting a pipe, and underneath the words (in french) “This is Not a Pipe.” The words were meant to refer to the fact that the painted pipe was literally not a real physical pipe that a viewer could smoke out of, it was just a painting of a pipe.
The painting was extremely meta, and really challenged the habit of allowing oneself to get so immersed in a work of art that one forgets it is a created representation of life, and not actual life. Understanding that alone takes a good deal of abstract thinking ability. And really appreciating and enjoying it requires a certain amount of one’s own frustration with society’s habit of trying to put limits on the definition of art; and being unable to think outside the box and really see something from all possible perspectives, including the perspective of being completely outside the thing.
Now what’s even more fascinating to me is that modern art movements (and I don’t mean “modern art,” I mean actual contemporary art movements that are being led by our peers) are kinda doing the same thing the dadaist movement was doing, but in reaction to the art that came out of the dadaist movement. Things have circled back around again, and abstract surrealist art is now what society has decided “art” is. And our generation doesn’t accept that. Comics, video games, TV shows and movies, graffiti art, web series, even flash mobs, all of these are our generation’s way of saying, “no, society, you don’t get to define art as strictly as ‘if it doesn’t make sense to me it must be brilliant.’ Art can be simple to understand, art can be accessible to all people, art can make you beg to find out what happens next!” And that’s really interesting to me.
Flash forwards to 2006, when rapper Gucci Mane writes a song called "Pillz" in which the phrase “bitch I might be” was coined and used several times. In the song, it’s used as a sarcastic, somewhat indignant but not wholly angry way to say “it’s none of your business,” in response to a beautiful woman in a club accusing the rapper of being high. The phrase became a meme in 2013, following Gucci Mane’s indictment for assaulting a soldier, when a redditor photoshopped a screencap of news coverage of the trial to reference the song. The photoshopped image changed the previous on-screen text to read “Rapper Gucci Mane responds with ‘bitch I might be’ when asked if guilty”. Again, the usage of the phrase is a sarcastic and indignant “none of your business.” The phrase then quickly gained popularity and was added to numerous other photoshopped images.
Now, memes are really cool as a concept anyways, when you think about them hard enough (I mean, the speed at which an entire world full of young people are able to latch onto something as simple as a phrase that they all mutually find funny, and within a matter of days explore every possible usage and implication of that phrase, including how it might relate to other complex systems of knowledge and understanding such as the rich character and plot developments of stories that generate fandoms), but lets put that aside for now and talk about sarcasm, instead.
Because sarcasm is a very sophisticated, complex, and subtle form of wit. It’s a difficult thing to be able to understand, through tone of voice alone, that what someone says, and what they mean, are two different things. And to be able to discern the actual meaning when the words were not said. As wikipedia says, “different parts of the brain must work together to understand sarcasm.” It’s even harder when those words are typed and not spoken audibly, as the reader must imagine the tone in the first place. That’s a lot of brain work involved in even understanding the true meaning behind that simple little phrase.
And sarcasm is popular right now. More than popular, it’s a hallmark of our generation. People have been writing lengthy articles and psychological, sociological, and anthropological studies and musings on why we’re so sarcastic. As this article suggests, it’s because we’re so angry. We’re a generation that was promised a lot and the world didn’t deliver. We’re disenchanted, and jaded, and mad. And we vent that through sarcastic humor. We laugh at things older generations don’t think are funny. We have come to expect so much disappointment, that we no longer afford “serious” things the respect we’re told they deserve. Because we no longer believe they deserve it. As the article states, “We are a generation that believes nothing is sacred. And if nothing is sacred everything becomes profane.”
One could even go so far as to make the argument that the popularity of the statement on the above image is due partially to the attitude amongst today’s youth (especially on tumblr) that one’s own life and choices are one’s own, and not the business of anybody else. This attitude can be seen in everything as simple as the “be yourself” and “follow your dreams” statements many of us were raised on, to the more serious issues we deal with today of discrimination against the LGBTGA+ community, fat shaming, slut shaming, prejudice against muslim people, etc., to political issues like free speech and government invasion of privacy, and even into more subtle ideas present in social media of privacy settings, controlling who gets to see what posts, block and ignore features, and even the philosophy of “nobody can tell you what to post in your own space. If somebody doesn’t like it, they can unfollow.”
None of this would be happening consciously, of course, but we can’t help but be influenced by the world around us. And a phrase whose meaning is essentially “it’s none of your business” is very likely to resonate strongly with a group of people whose fundamental philosophies of polite interpersonal conduct revolve roughly around the same concept.
Taking all this into consideration, this joke is taking a lot of pre-knowledge and putting it all together to kind of say, in a funny way, “stop acting like you have it all figured out, because you don’t. And some things are just not for you to figure out anyway.”
So to sum up, to understand the above image, you must:
have a descent grasp on art history to recognize the original painting.
have good abstract and/or creative thinking skills to understand and appreciate the original painting.
have a good grasp on modern pop culture, internet culture, and current slang and memes (basically, be an active participant in the wider world).
have the complex emotional and interpersonal understanding necessary to understand the subtleties of sarcasm.
understand enough of what’s going on in the world around you that you are disenchanted enough to appreciate sarcastic humor.
participate in our generation’s general philosophy of life and how to interact with other human beings in the world at large.
So basically, if you laughed, you’re smart. :3

iammissanna:

tzikeh:

the-fault-in-our-wifi:

oh my fucking god

Everyone go home. The internet is over.

Okay, you know what? I just reblogged this but I wanna get geeky over it. ‘Cause this is some high-class humor right here, and if you don’t get that you need to be educated so here I am about to do the thing you’re not supposed to do and explain the joke, because I’m just really impressed by this joke’s construction, okay?

So back in Paris in the 1920s, the surrealist movement in art was just starting to take off. The surrealist movement was born from the dadaist movement, which was a response to strict societal ideas of what was “art” and what wasn’t. The dadaists made a lot of works to try and challenge society’s ideas of what art even was in the first place, and this continued on into the more sophisticated abstract works of surrealism.

One such artist, Rene Magritte (also known for his paintings of people with invisible heads, or with fruit for heads), painted a work called "The Treachery of Images," depicting a pipe, and underneath the words (in french) “This is Not a Pipe.” The words were meant to refer to the fact that the painted pipe was literally not a real physical pipe that a viewer could smoke out of, it was just a painting of a pipe.

The painting was extremely meta, and really challenged the habit of allowing oneself to get so immersed in a work of art that one forgets it is a created representation of life, and not actual life. Understanding that alone takes a good deal of abstract thinking ability. And really appreciating and enjoying it requires a certain amount of one’s own frustration with society’s habit of trying to put limits on the definition of art; and being unable to think outside the box and really see something from all possible perspectives, including the perspective of being completely outside the thing.

Now what’s even more fascinating to me is that modern art movements (and I don’t mean “modern art,” I mean actual contemporary art movements that are being led by our peers) are kinda doing the same thing the dadaist movement was doing, but in reaction to the art that came out of the dadaist movement. Things have circled back around again, and abstract surrealist art is now what society has decided “art” is. And our generation doesn’t accept that. Comics, video games, TV shows and movies, graffiti art, web series, even flash mobs, all of these are our generation’s way of saying, “no, society, you don’t get to define art as strictly as ‘if it doesn’t make sense to me it must be brilliant.’ Art can be simple to understand, art can be accessible to all people, art can make you beg to find out what happens next!” And that’s really interesting to me.

Flash forwards to 2006, when rapper Gucci Mane writes a song called "Pillz" in which the phrase “bitch I might be” was coined and used several times. In the song, it’s used as a sarcastic, somewhat indignant but not wholly angry way to say “it’s none of your business,” in response to a beautiful woman in a club accusing the rapper of being high. The phrase became a meme in 2013, following Gucci Mane’s indictment for assaulting a soldier, when a redditor photoshopped a screencap of news coverage of the trial to reference the song. The photoshopped image changed the previous on-screen text to read “Rapper Gucci Mane responds with ‘bitch I might be’ when asked if guilty”. Again, the usage of the phrase is a sarcastic and indignant “none of your business.” The phrase then quickly gained popularity and was added to numerous other photoshopped images.

Now, memes are really cool as a concept anyways, when you think about them hard enough (I mean, the speed at which an entire world full of young people are able to latch onto something as simple as a phrase that they all mutually find funny, and within a matter of days explore every possible usage and implication of that phrase, including how it might relate to other complex systems of knowledge and understanding such as the rich character and plot developments of stories that generate fandoms), but lets put that aside for now and talk about sarcasm, instead.

Because sarcasm is a very sophisticated, complex, and subtle form of wit. It’s a difficult thing to be able to understand, through tone of voice alone, that what someone says, and what they mean, are two different things. And to be able to discern the actual meaning when the words were not said. As wikipedia says, “different parts of the brain must work together to understand sarcasm.” It’s even harder when those words are typed and not spoken audibly, as the reader must imagine the tone in the first place. That’s a lot of brain work involved in even understanding the true meaning behind that simple little phrase.

And sarcasm is popular right now. More than popular, it’s a hallmark of our generation. People have been writing lengthy articles and psychological, sociological, and anthropological studies and musings on why we’re so sarcastic. As this article suggests, it’s because we’re so angry. We’re a generation that was promised a lot and the world didn’t deliver. We’re disenchanted, and jaded, and mad. And we vent that through sarcastic humor. We laugh at things older generations don’t think are funny. We have come to expect so much disappointment, that we no longer afford “serious” things the respect we’re told they deserve. Because we no longer believe they deserve it. As the article states, “We are a generation that believes nothing is sacred. And if nothing is sacred everything becomes profane.”

One could even go so far as to make the argument that the popularity of the statement on the above image is due partially to the attitude amongst today’s youth (especially on tumblr) that one’s own life and choices are one’s own, and not the business of anybody else. This attitude can be seen in everything as simple as the “be yourself” and “follow your dreams” statements many of us were raised on, to the more serious issues we deal with today of discrimination against the LGBTGA+ community, fat shaming, slut shaming, prejudice against muslim people, etc., to political issues like free speech and government invasion of privacy, and even into more subtle ideas present in social media of privacy settings, controlling who gets to see what posts, block and ignore features, and even the philosophy of “nobody can tell you what to post in your own space. If somebody doesn’t like it, they can unfollow.”

None of this would be happening consciously, of course, but we can’t help but be influenced by the world around us. And a phrase whose meaning is essentially “it’s none of your business” is very likely to resonate strongly with a group of people whose fundamental philosophies of polite interpersonal conduct revolve roughly around the same concept.

Taking all this into consideration, this joke is taking a lot of pre-knowledge and putting it all together to kind of say, in a funny way, “stop acting like you have it all figured out, because you don’t. And some things are just not for you to figure out anyway.”

So to sum up, to understand the above image, you must:

  1. have a descent grasp on art history to recognize the original painting.
  2. have good abstract and/or creative thinking skills to understand and appreciate the original painting.
  3. have a good grasp on modern pop culture, internet culture, and current slang and memes (basically, be an active participant in the wider world).
  4. have the complex emotional and interpersonal understanding necessary to understand the subtleties of sarcasm.
  5. understand enough of what’s going on in the world around you that you are disenchanted enough to appreciate sarcastic humor.
  6. participate in our generation’s general philosophy of life and how to interact with other human beings in the world at large.

So basically, if you laughed, you’re smart. :3

ellariasaand:

Get to know me meme: [2/5] male character » Prince Oberyn Martell

"He knew the man only by reputation, to be sure … but the reputation was fearsome. When he was no more than sixteen, Prince Oberyn had been found abed with the paramour of old Lord Yronwood, a huge man of fierce repute and short temper. A duel ensued, though in view of the prince’s youth and high birth, it was only to first blood. Both men took cuts, and honor was satisfied. Yet Prince Oberyn soon recovered, while Lord Yronwood’s wounds festered and killed him. Afterward men whispered that Oberyn had fought with a poisoned sword, and ever thereafter friends and foes alike called him the Red Viper.That was many years ago, to be sure. The boy of sixteen was a man past forty now, and his legend had grown a deal darker.”

my-special-angel:

mollyiswideawake:

octaviancross:

Always remember

YEAH BUT CALIGULA WAS FUCKIN INSANE
And not in a good way. He was literally insane, and he was an absolute tyrant. He’s my favourite Roman emperor, just because he’s so interesting
His father was a military hero, and he spent the first few years of his life on an army camp, where he paraded around wearing this mini-military uniform his mother made (which is where he got his name- “Caligula” meaning “little boot”). The soldiers basically worshipped him.
As a teenager, he was called before Tiberius (who was a complete tyrant in his own right, and supposedly killed members of Caligula’s family) on the island of Capri, where he was forcibly adopted and as a result of how well he was treated he supposedly developed Stockholm Syndrome (though this is subject to debate). He held an undying hatred for Tiberius but was forced to show respect, so took out his anger on others and enjoyed watching executions and torture, and frequently indulged in orgies
TIBERIUS THOUGHT HE WAS MAD. TIBERIUS.
He gains absolute power of the Roman Empire at the 24- spent the last 5 years watching Tiberius murder, rape, and torture innocents for his own pleasure. So it’s fair to say he’s pretty messed up. He starts off by obliterating unpopular tax and literally giving away money- thus winning the adoration of the citizens. Then, seemingly overnight, he becomes a vicious, bloodthirsty psychopath.
Early in his reign, he fell ill and spent a considerably period of time on the verge of death. Following most of his recovery, he still suffered major headaches and sometimes wandered round his palace in the dead of night, and started cross-dressing
During his illness, one man offered his life in exchange for Caligula’s recovery. When he recovered, Caligula sought out this man and had him sacrificed.
He called banquets, raped the female guests, then brought them back to the table to discuss the rape with the other guests
HE DECLARED WAR ON THE GODS. Hence why he had the army fight Poseidon.
He would make parents watch the executions of their children
He held dinner parties for highly-regarded Roman citizens, during which he would order the executions of criminals between courses and- while his guests were dining- he would rape their wives in the room next door
He appointed a horse as a consul. I’ll say that again. HE NAMED A HORSE A CONSUL. He had said horse attended to by 18 servants and fed it oats mixed with gold flakes
He names himself a living God
He his reign lasted four years, before he was stabbed to death. He did all that in four years.
I’M SORRY I JUST REALLY LOVE ROMAN HISTORY OK

Also when he would throw house parties he would hide wild animal like lions in random rooms and made people tour his house by themselves and they would be eaten if they opened the wrong door
(just so you know I did a huge project about him in history)

my-special-angel:

mollyiswideawake:

octaviancross:

Always remember

YEAH BUT CALIGULA WAS FUCKIN INSANE

And not in a good way. He was literally insane, and he was an absolute tyrant. He’s my favourite Roman emperor, just because he’s so interesting

  • His father was a military hero, and he spent the first few years of his life on an army camp, where he paraded around wearing this mini-military uniform his mother made (which is where he got his name- “Caligula” meaning “little boot”). The soldiers basically worshipped him.
  • As a teenager, he was called before Tiberius (who was a complete tyrant in his own right, and supposedly killed members of Caligula’s family) on the island of Capri, where he was forcibly adopted and as a result of how well he was treated he supposedly developed Stockholm Syndrome (though this is subject to debate). He held an undying hatred for Tiberius but was forced to show respect, so took out his anger on others and enjoyed watching executions and torture, and frequently indulged in orgies
  • TIBERIUS THOUGHT HE WAS MAD. TIBERIUS.
  • He gains absolute power of the Roman Empire at the 24- spent the last 5 years watching Tiberius murder, rape, and torture innocents for his own pleasure. So it’s fair to say he’s pretty messed up. He starts off by obliterating unpopular tax and literally giving away money- thus winning the adoration of the citizens. Then, seemingly overnight, he becomes a vicious, bloodthirsty psychopath.
  • Early in his reign, he fell ill and spent a considerably period of time on the verge of death. Following most of his recovery, he still suffered major headaches and sometimes wandered round his palace in the dead of night, and started cross-dressing
  • During his illness, one man offered his life in exchange for Caligula’s recovery. When he recovered, Caligula sought out this man and had him sacrificed.
  • He called banquets, raped the female guests, then brought them back to the table to discuss the rape with the other guests
  • HE DECLARED WAR ON THE GODS. Hence why he had the army fight Poseidon.
  • He would make parents watch the executions of their children
  • He held dinner parties for highly-regarded Roman citizens, during which he would order the executions of criminals between courses and- while his guests were dining- he would rape their wives in the room next door
  • He appointed a horse as a consul. I’ll say that again. HE NAMED A HORSE A CONSUL. He had said horse attended to by 18 servants and fed it oats mixed with gold flakes
  • He names himself a living God
  • He his reign lasted four years, before he was stabbed to death. He did all that in four years.

I’M SORRY I JUST REALLY LOVE ROMAN HISTORY OK

Also when he would throw house parties he would hide wild animal like lions in random rooms and made people tour his house by themselves and they would be eaten if they opened the wrong door

(just so you know I did a huge project about him in history)

beam-meh-up-scotty:

bvsedjesus:

eradicatedelicacy:

queentinabelcher:

Alcohol vs marijuana

OH MY GOD I WASNT EXPECTING THAT

lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooo

Lmao

beam-meh-up-scotty:

bvsedjesus:

eradicatedelicacy:

queentinabelcher:

Alcohol vs marijuana

OH MY GOD I WASNT EXPECTING THAT

lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooo

Lmao